Frustration and the Asperger’s Kid

Does your Asperger’s kid suddenly become angry and distraught over something small like a missing toothbrush? Or a loose board on the porch? It may seem like they over-react to the small things that happen, but it is a fact that Asperger’s children have little emotional control and get frustrated easily. That’s where they need your help and the help of others qualified in the area of emotions.

So how does your child show their frustration? Do they withdraw to someplace they feel safe? Do they yell and cry? Do they throw things and hurt people? And what do you do when you child gets frustrated? Do you take it personally? Or do you jump in sooth them when they are on the brink of crying? Do you give them time alone to try to deal with it? Is it best to talk about the issue or let it go? Parents don’t want to spend a lot of time discussing the case of the missing toothbrush and how the child should have handled it when there may be more pressing issues in the household to discuss.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have a low toleration for frustration. It is understandable that the frustration comes from a lack of understanding of their own feelings. They are unable to identify and express what they are feeling so they lump all the ‘bad’ feelings together. The parents see the overflow of ‘bad’ feelings come out at once. It’s important that we don’t take them personally even when they seem as though they are directed at us. Aspergers’ kids want to tell what is on their mind and most of the time they don’t know how to say it properly or they misinterpreted their thoughts altogether.

So what can parents do to help these kids with these frustrations? If the child is exhibiting threatening behavior and seems unable to control it, then getting them to work with a professional is the best approach if they don’t already have one. Many times, a counselor can provide techniques or methods for the child to deal with their feelings. Also, a counselor can provide a parent with valuable insight and tools for helping the child deal with their feelings. There are also medications that a doctor can prescribe to help calm these outbursts and let the child think it through.

A child who is obviously frustrated but not particularly threatening or violent still needs help and parents can provide that through on the fly discussions. An older child can be reasoned with on what triggered the outburst and how they can deal with it the next time. It’s important that these discussion be held calmly and rationally. If the child feels accused or threatened themselves, then they will not be receptive to what the parents have to say and it may help to have a counselor facilitate these type of conversations.

The bottom line is if your child appears to have a low tolerance for frustration and it is happening more frequently, then they need help understanding what it happening to them. This kind of help can come from a number of places and the most important player is the parent. Don’t take it personally, rather understand they are literally brimming over with ‘bad’ emotions and don’t realize what they are doing.

Celesta Penney is an parent of an Asperger’s child diagnosed in 1998. Since then Celesta has spent an enormous amount of time researching and making the surrounding community aware of the existence of Asperger’s Syndrome and what parents’ options are. For more information on Aspergers’s Syndrome visit www.aspergersebook.com and www.aspergersinfosite.com.

The frustration of it all

Having an Asperger's kid can be very frustrating at times. Their particular ways of doing things and their lack of understanding the big picture can leave a parent feeling helpless. But the frustration I am talking about today is the child's frustration. They have trouble understanding their emotions and even more trouble expressing them. When talking to a child with Aspergers about their feelings, they often lump those feelings into broader groups.

When I ask my son how he feels when something happened to him at school, his reply is 'bad'. He tells me he experiences the same thing when all the bread is gone. All he is able to pinpoint is that he doesn't like the feeling and nothing more than that. What I see is a level of frustration and anger and I try to deal with it accordingly.

So my tip for dealing with the obvious frustration is to help them calm down and spend some time, if you can, discussing it with your child. It is up to the parent to try and figure out what the child is feeling and deal with it appropriately.

Helping the Asperger’s kid thrive in social situations

If you are a parent of an Asperger’s child, than you understand the frustration that arises as a result of your child’s impairments. Their pre-occupations and sensitivities are enough at make anyone have a meltdown. It is no different in social situations where the child is out of their element. A child with Aspergers’ syndrome may not fully understand what is happening is social situations, and there is a breakdown when the child doesn’t reciprocate. Peer relationships such as in school and social situations with family and friends are two areas you can help you child develop skills.

There is a cycle that the child inevitably goes through in attempting to form relationships. They may feel they are too different than their peers and realize they have few or no friends. They crave more interaction with peers and depending on their age, they may or may not get it. They are unskilled at approaching others and often seem forced when conversing with others. They may have little eye contact or body language and appear to lack empathy. They may use inappropriate sayings or phrases during emotional times and do not take the perspective of others as valid. These inadequacies leave them feeling rejected when they are unable to sustain positive interaction.

If your child is in a mainstream school with non-AS children, they will try to form relationships with limited success. They will find others with the same interests and stay close to them. You may find they will maintain that friendship for a fair amount of time and it will end suddenly and without reason. Your child may not be concerned about this at all and will be on his way to forming a new relationship. You will need to help your child understand the give and take of a friendship. Have discussions about how to initiate a conversation and ask questions of the other person, instead of only talking about their own interests. Practice reading body language and facial expressions so they will not be embarrassed if someone makes a scene.

Outside of school and the world that your child and his peers live in is where you and the rest of your family are. You may attend regular family gatherings and involve your child in social situations he would rather not be a part of. They may be uncomfortable with the noise a larger group of people accumulate, or the movement of such people could be invading his personal space. They may not get involved in conversation with others here for fear of rejection, remember in this group he will have less of a chance of finding someone to share his interests. Prepare for these outings by talking with your child about who will be there and some of the activities that will take place. Try to give them information they can use when talking to other people like who had recently achieved something they were working for, etc. This will help give them a starting point for conversations. Let them bring something from home that will not only make them more comfortable and give them something to do, but can share with others if the situation arises. Instruct them to be polite and engage in conversations with people that approach them, that their item does not take precedence over the event.

Helping a child with Aspergers Syndrome navigate through this world can be difficult and they are going to need all the help they can get just to fit in. Make sure you explain things very thoroughly as they are more than likely not to pick it up on their own.


Celesta Penney is an parent of an Asperger’s child diagnosed in 1998. Since then Celesta has spent an enormous amount of time researching and making the surrounding community aware of the existence of Asperger’s Syndrome and what parents’ options are. For more information on Aspergers’s Syndrome visit www.aspergersebook.com and www.aspergersinfosite.com.

Holidays with the family

If your Asperger's child is anything like mine, then you will not see them much while you are entertaining or visiting with your friends and family. My son is a blur when we are around people outside the immediate family. He moves from one room to another with some sort of stealth technology. By the time we notice he is gone, he is already settled in to his room.

It can be difficult trying to get an Asperger's child to 'mingle' or socialize in any way even with people he sees more than once a year. They may have a sensitivity that you haven't pinpointed yet, although it is clear they are uncomfortable. Be aware of your child's surroundings and see where and what makes them uncomfortable. Then maybe you can prepare for your next outing or visit.

In my case, I let me child bring a handheld game with him when we visit because it distracts him from the noise and he is still able to talk with people who approach him one at a time. Some feel I encourage an anti-social behavior, but I felt it was more important to make him feel comfortable and he does converse when others approach him. In time, he will learn and embrace approaching others.

Hello!

I want to start by saying "hi" to all the aspergers parents out there looking for more information on the disorder. This blog will be a resource place to identify where you can get more information on Asperger's Syndrome and how to deal with some of the struggles you face as parents. I will also be posting some of my own experiences and techniques I have used.