Helping the Asperger’s kid thrive in social situations

If you are a parent of an Asperger’s child, than you understand the frustration that arises as a result of your child’s impairments. Their pre-occupations and sensitivities are enough at make anyone have a meltdown. It is no different in social situations where the child is out of their element. A child with Aspergers’ syndrome may not fully understand what is happening is social situations, and there is a breakdown when the child doesn’t reciprocate. Peer relationships such as in school and social situations with family and friends are two areas you can help you child develop skills.

There is a cycle that the child inevitably goes through in attempting to form relationships. They may feel they are too different than their peers and realize they have few or no friends. They crave more interaction with peers and depending on their age, they may or may not get it. They are unskilled at approaching others and often seem forced when conversing with others. They may have little eye contact or body language and appear to lack empathy. They may use inappropriate sayings or phrases during emotional times and do not take the perspective of others as valid. These inadequacies leave them feeling rejected when they are unable to sustain positive interaction.

If your child is in a mainstream school with non-AS children, they will try to form relationships with limited success. They will find others with the same interests and stay close to them. You may find they will maintain that friendship for a fair amount of time and it will end suddenly and without reason. Your child may not be concerned about this at all and will be on his way to forming a new relationship. You will need to help your child understand the give and take of a friendship. Have discussions about how to initiate a conversation and ask questions of the other person, instead of only talking about their own interests. Practice reading body language and facial expressions so they will not be embarrassed if someone makes a scene.

Outside of school and the world that your child and his peers live in is where you and the rest of your family are. You may attend regular family gatherings and involve your child in social situations he would rather not be a part of. They may be uncomfortable with the noise a larger group of people accumulate, or the movement of such people could be invading his personal space. They may not get involved in conversation with others here for fear of rejection, remember in this group he will have less of a chance of finding someone to share his interests. Prepare for these outings by talking with your child about who will be there and some of the activities that will take place. Try to give them information they can use when talking to other people like who had recently achieved something they were working for, etc. This will help give them a starting point for conversations. Let them bring something from home that will not only make them more comfortable and give them something to do, but can share with others if the situation arises. Instruct them to be polite and engage in conversations with people that approach them, that their item does not take precedence over the event.

Helping a child with Aspergers Syndrome navigate through this world can be difficult and they are going to need all the help they can get just to fit in. Make sure you explain things very thoroughly as they are more than likely not to pick it up on their own.


Celesta Penney is an parent of an Asperger’s child diagnosed in 1998. Since then Celesta has spent an enormous amount of time researching and making the surrounding community aware of the existence of Asperger’s Syndrome and what parents’ options are. For more information on Aspergers’s Syndrome visit www.aspergersebook.com and www.aspergersinfosite.com.